Seriously, it’s the easiest way to make yourself feel like shit. Because every single time that you compare yourself to others, you are telling yourself that you are not good enough. Every….Single….Time!!!
If a friend constantly told you – that you weren’t good enough – would you keep them around? Would you willingly put up with that kind of abuse? Day in and day out? I hope that the answer is no? Then why do we feel that it is ok to do it to ourselves?
Maybe it’s because starts young. Or to be more technically correct, it starts when we are young. Our parents unwittingly started the ball rolling with simple statements like “Why can’t you be more like your brother/sister/cousin?”. While well-meaning parents might use this phrase to inspire their children to change their habits or behaviours. What the child is hearing is “I am not as good as my brother/sister/cousin”.
You might have been unfortunate enough to grow up with a narcissistic parent, who used you as their personal status symbol. And if you didn’t do as well as their friends’ kids, you got punished or were given the silent treatment.
These type of children will grow up feeling that they will always be compared to others and they will always fall short. In fact, comparing themselves to others has become second nature to them.
Comparison is the Thief of Joy
It really is. How can you enjoy anything in your life, if you are always comparing it to what other people have/have achieved?
So, what if your friend/colleague/family member
Bought a new car
Bought a new house in a great area
Went on a 5-star overseas trip
Have the perfect partner
That doesn’t make your life any less. It doesn’t mean that they are the best and you are the worst. That you can never achieve anything. That kind of thinking just leads to a downward spiral. How are you going to feel good about yourself if you are always feeling envious of others?
The fastest way to kill something special is . . .
To compare it to something else
We all have special things come into our lives. The question is, do we notice them? Are we too often looking over the fence into someone else’s backyard to notice what blessings we have in our own?
When we receive something special in our lives and we instantly compare it to something similar and judge it as not being good enough. On an energetic level, we are rejecting the gift. And how many more times do you think that the Universe is going to accept that kind of rejection? If you keep deeming the small wins not worth celebrating. If you keep comparing what you have received and judging it to be not enough. Then eventually everyone will give up.
But, when you have gratitude for even the smallest of special moments, coming into your life. For:
The little gifts
The kind words or gestures
The pats on the back
Someone saying to you “You did great”
If we can receive these with gratitude, fully accept them, then more will come our way.
When you can enjoy a gift for the kindness and thought that the gift giver has put into it. Joy will start to fill your life
When you can celebrate an achievement, give yourself a pat on the back and say “Hey you, you did a great job on this. You should be really proud of yourself” and mean it. Joy will start to fill your life
When you work towards little goals like saving up for a holiday. And you’re about to start on your holiday adventure. Again, give yourself a pat on the back. Enjoy your holiday. Let joy into your life.
And once you can see that you can work towards the little goals, then you will realise that you can work towards the big goals of buying a car or a house as well.
Today, one of my clients gave me a roll of sticky tape. And I look at it and I am filled with joy 😊 It is a perfect gift for me. Why, because my client put thought into it. They know that I use sticky tape in almost every session. Sticking crystals all over the body or on the bed. I go through a lot of sticky tape. So, this little gift means the world to me.
Compare yourself to who you were yesterday,
Not to who someone else is today
It’s so damn easy to look at your colleagues, friends that you went to school or college with. And see where they are in their career or skillset and then get down on yourself.
I know because I have been guilty of this myself. I noticed that I did it when I finished college. Comparing myself to my fellow graduates of the Kinesiology course. As I used to do it in my art class as well, comparing my skills and paintings to the other students. But thankfully I can catch myself now when I am doing it. And I ask myself the questions
Why am I comparing?
What is bringing this fear up in me?
What limiting beliefs are at play here?
And once I find them, I either do a correction on myself, or I have a healing with my mentor. The thing is – that I don’t sit around and do nothing but compare the shit out of myself with other people.
Because I am not them
And they are not me
We are as different as night and day
We each have our own paths to walk
We each have our own unique talents waiting to be discovered
I have learnt to compare myself to myself.
I look at how much progress I have made in my painting skills
I look at how much I have grown in my skills and techniques in my practice
I look at all of the spiritual growth I have made
I look at how much happier I am, how much more confident I am in myself compared to a year ago, 5 years ago, a decade ago. That is growth. That is achievement. I am comparing apples with apples. Not apples with oranges, fish, trees, carpet etc.
What matters is that we remain true to ourselves
What matters is that we know what is right for us and what is not. When we know this fundamental truth. Then there is no need to compare. Because we automatically know our worth and our values, what we need and what we don’t need. We know we don’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations.
When we are true to ourselves. When we walk the path that is meant for us. When we journey along the road of our life purpose. Then the things that are meant for you will open up before you.
p.s. If you find yourself stuck in a cycle of always comparing yourself and your circumstances to others. We can help you. Either I or another Kinesiologist can help you get out of the comparison trap.
Hi, My name is Liesl Frank and I am several things. I am psychic, I am a Kinesiologist, I am a channeller of energetic healings. Which is why I call myself a Psychic Kinesiologist. My passion is helping people to discover who they truly are. Not who the world tells them they should be. I help my clients to wake up and remember how truly amazing they are.