One of the most dangerous things that people can fall into is the Perfection Trap. The Perfection Trap is when you obsess about having every aspect of your life perfect. You have to be:


  • The perfect partner

  • The perfect parent

  • The perfect friend

  • The perfect employee

  • The perfect child

I will explain how easy it is to fall into the Perfection Trap. Give you some examples of how it can play out in your life. And describe what the key is to exiting the Perfection Trap.

Destination Perfection population 0

How we can fall into the perfection trap

In my clinical experience, most beginnings of the Perfection Trap occurs in those early childhood years, from ages 2 upwards. And it all has to do with our desire to be loved and our inability to understand complex adult interactions at such a young age.

We don’t understand that our parents have had a bad day at work, or that they have just received some bad news, or that they have an addiction problem. We are just running around, having fun, being the loud vibrant spirited souls that we are. And unfortunately our exuberance might come at the wrong time:

have to be the perfect parent

We could have been running around and knocked something over, we could have gotten our clean clothes dirty at the wrong moment, we could have been loudly wanting our parent’s attention at just the wrong moment. And our parents, after having “a hell of a day”, might react angrily towards us. They might tell us to “stop being so annoying” (or maybe something worse), they might punish us with a smack or being sent to our rooms.

If this is occurring on a regular basis, we might believe that what we are doing is causing our parents not to love us. Because they seem to be so angry with us all the time. So we begin to believe that we are not good enough to be loved as we are. That we have to be perfect child in order to be loved. So we start adopting a persona that we believe will get our parents to love us. And with change in behaviour, we have set up the belief pattern “I have to be perfect in order to be loved”

Have to be the perfect child

How the Perfection Trap plays out in our lives

At work: If we are stuck in the perfection trap at work, it can lead to a lot of stress and anxiety. We might focus on the minute details of what we are working on. We might spend extra time (i.e. unpaid overtime) working on projects to get them just right. We might feel that we have to control every aspect of the task at hand, otherwise it won’t be done properly. Which might lead to us not delegating tasks and doing ourselves (thanks to more unpaid overtime). If something outside of our control occurs at work, this might induce a panic attack. And at the end of the day, we come home feeling exhausted.

have to be the perfect employee

At home: If we feel that we have to be the perfect partner, it means that we have to be “on” all the time. We have to be attentive, always happy, always supportive to our partner’s needs. We have keep the house immaculate. If we have children, we might feel the need to be the perfect parent. Which could mean, we have to plan the perfect birthday parties, ensure that our kids want for nothing. We could be always putting our partner and kids first and ourselves last. Resentment builds up, which can lead to blowing up over the smallest things.

Have to be the perfect wife

With friends: We might feel the need to portray our life as perfect to our friends. We would be mortified if any of our friends found out that we might be struggling, either at work or in our relationships. So we put on a mask, and pretend that our life is fabulous.

Case Study: Jessica’s need to be the Perfect everything

When Jessica (age 33) started coming to see me for treatment, she had suffered from anxiety for most of her life. She was taking anti-anxiety medicine and was still highly stressed. Jessica believed that she had to be the perfect everything

  • The perfect wife to her husband

  • The perfect mother to her kids

  • Have the perfectly cleaned home

  • Be the perfect friend

  • Be the perfect employee / co-worker

Cant stop being perfect

Jessica’s fell into the Perfection Trap when she was five years old. Jessica’s father was an alcoholic, who worked away from home on regular intervals. When he did come home, he mainly went out drinking with his mates. When he was actually home, he was angry all the time. Young Jessica, thought that if she became the perfect daughter, if she kept the house clean enough, her father would stop drinking and stop being so angry all the time.

Through Jessica’s Kinesiology sessions, we worked on her loving herself regardless of outside circumstances. Jessica was able to stop taking her anti-anxiety medication within the first six months of treatment.

Now, Jessica feels much more relaxed at home with her husband and her children. She recently commented on how she could just enjoy her kids without stressing.

How do you escape the Perfection Trap?

Forget about being perfect

It may seem counter-intuitive, but the way to escape the perfection trap is to realise that you are already perfect. Each one of us are perfect just as we are (and we don’t need a Mr Darcy to tell us that 😉 ). When we learn to love and accept ourselves, we begin to realise that we no longer need to seek external validation. We no longer need to be perfect to gain love.

And I know what you might be thinking, sure “love and accept ourselves” it’s as easy as that. Yes and no, to truly love and accept ourselves takes time, dedication and perseverance. A commitment to yourself that your own happiness and well-being is important.

Learning to love myself

If you are ready to make that commitment, then Kinesiology can help you.  Kinesiology can identify what events / beliefs started the need to be perfect, what age were you when you started to believe that you needed to be perfect to be loved. And most importantly what we need to do to clear these beliefs so you no longer need to be caught in the Perfection Trap.

I am a Holistic Kinesiologist who uses her psychic abilities to identify the reasons why you might feel compelled to be perfect all of the time.

If you want to know more, then check out the rest of my website. If you want to know how Kinesiology can change your life then check out my landing page. If you are wondering how Kinesiology works and why it’s so awesome, visit the what is Kinesiology page. My what I specialise in page details the areas that I love to work on. If you would like to know a bit more about me, then this is the page for you

Want to ditch all of that and go straight to booking a session, send me a message or call me 0419 271 394

xXx Liesl

Liesl Frank Holistic Kinesiologist